When You Call Me, You Can Call Me Al

If you ever wanted to read Omnivore's Dilemma but didn't have the time, or you've never heard of it, or you liked it a lot and want to see a movie version, go see Food Inc. Just go already:

http://www.foodincmovie.com/

God works in the most strange and mysterious ways sometimes, and while a lot of times He keeps his logic hidden from us, it makes those moments when He shares what He's thinking a lot more impressive.

Most of last week, and really the past 3 weeks, I've been having difficulties with a co-worker from another office. This week it came to a head as she basically tried to kill a project I was working on. We spent almost every day this week fighting about the project, twice I found myself in tears, and every morning I dreaded going to work. By the end of the week, I had actually started to look for a new office to join if this whole thing continued. A co-worker who was working on the project with me came up with a creative last ditch effort to save the project, and my management was actually quite happy with that idea since it would give me a new set of skills to put on my next performance review; but it really watered down the project and there was a chance that it wouldn't work out either.

During this morning's sermon at church about worry, I was thinking about all I'd gone through this week, and about how even though we had to basically scrap the project and hope that we could move forward with a weaker version, it was so relieving not to have to worry about going to work and fighting with this co-worker any more--at least on this particular project--that it was almost worth not trying to go forward with our original plan. I was thinking about how our solution to save the project wasn't ideal, and still could fail, and then as the pastor was talking about how we tend to worry about the wrong things (ie what designer label our clothes have, instead of focusing on our relationship with God) something hit me like a bolt of lightening--that we were using the solution to save the old project when what we should be doing is using that solution as the central focus of a new project to address the same issue. Doing that would make the project much more rigorous, and actually even better than our original project that was killed. During the time I was going through all of the fighting, all I saw was anger and frustration, but it turns out that was what I needed to go through to get to this new idea. So yeah, here's to God's mysterious ways and finding a gem amongst the rubble.

There seems to be a popular misconception, even amongst Christians, that salvation can be earned. Perhaps its because we put God in a context we understand, and we understand the concept of a Deity who requires us to obey Him, acting in accordance with the Law and ingrained spiritual expectations (ie going to church, volunteering at the soup kitchen, etc) in order for him to reward us. The saddest thing about this misconception isn't that it is wrong, but that it robs us of knowing the true nature of God--a God who is full of grace, who "frees us from self-hatred, exhorts us not to confuse our perception of ourselves with the mystery we really are, gave us what we needed more than anything else--encouragement for our lives". Experiencing this God "means experiencing that one has been unreservedly accepted, approved, and infinitely loved, that one can and should accept oneself and one's neighbor," accepting His grace which requires nothing in return from us.

This is the message of a book called The Ragamuffin Gospel, which we're reading for my church women's group. The message is simple, clear and uplifting, but even as I read the first few chapters of the book, while it was easy to accept intellectually, I didn't fully experience the message until I read the following passage, which I wanted to share with all of you...

( On a sweltering summer night in New Orleans.... )

I read that passage and started tearing up. I get a little bit choked up each successive time I've re-read it. To me that defines grace. God takes you as you are, even as you're making your biggest mistakes. He doesn't give you a hard time about it, he doesn't get angry only to forgive you the next day, you don't have to make it up to him. All you have to do is accept what he is offering you, and the biggest challenge to that is your own feelings of guilt and inadequacy.

I don't know about you, but that's my kind of God.

1) I've got Sugarland tickets!!! I LOVE Sugarland. Technically it's a Keith Urban concert, but whatever.

2) I ate a cheeseburger for dinner. I love cheeseburgers. I was good and didn't eat the bun, but I did have some of the garlic fries.

3) Despite not being able to run, I somehow lost weight this week. I fear it's muscle, but I actually started lifting again so that should cover some of it. I also changed my breakfast habits which could be where this all comes from (instead of some nutrition bar followed later by eggs and a banana even later, I start out with a banana, follow with granola, and close with yogurt).

3) It turns out my cousin is a track coach. After hearing me whine ad nauseum on facebook about not being able to run he told my to try pool running. It seems like a good option, so I'm probably going to join the YMCA and start pool running there because the pool at my apartment complex is itty bitty, the Y is only $55 a month, 2 blocks away and has a Zumba class.

4) My blisters are down so elliptical and walking are options again.

5) Iran--still interesting, mostly.

Most Importantly) It is time to download music on to Fawkes (the new computer). Most of what I'm thinking about getting is really bad pop that is great for working out (ie Brittney Spears). However, Brittney Spears as Fawkes' virgin download makes me feel dirty. I feel it should be something that is new and getting excellent reviews or is older but very well received or even classic. Recommendations? (ps anyone know anything about the band HEM? I have their latest album at the suggestion of a friend and love it, but don't know if the rest of their work is similar or not)

And now, I read!

I just booked a trip to Barbados. If my knees get better it'll be the week after the OBX half.

Also, I think I'm going to get certified to SCUBA dive, because why not?

Screw it world, I'm dancing. (turn up my symphony!)

I was driving home from dance class and was listening to a segment on the Jim Leher News Hour where they interviewed former Commissioner of the Food and Drug Administration Dr. David Kessler about his new book "The End of Overeating". His results showed that food actually does alter our brain chemistry creating almost an addictive response. His findings, as summarized by Louise McCready on the Huffington Post:

During a seven-year investigation, Dr. Kessler met with scientists, physicians, and food industry insiders to learn why humans cannot resist food. For many of us—myself included—the Pringles slogan, "Once you pop, you can't stop," is true of a variety of foods, from M&M's and pretzels, to nachos and ice cream. Regardless of how hungry we are, the smell of freshly baked bagels or the sight of Girl Scout Cookies, starts a feeding frenzy that ends only when the plate or bag is empty.

In The End of Overeating, Dr. Kessler explains how humans, much like Pavlov's dogs, become hardwired to anticipate foods with fat, sugar, and salt. The food industry has learned what humans want, and is only too happy to give us what we crave. We quickly become trapped in a vicious cycle of dopamine-fueled urges when we want food, and opioid releases when we eat it. If dopamine and opioid sound familiar, it's because they play a major role in alcohol and drug addiction. Dr. Kessler draws a direct connection between food's power over people, and the pull of alcohol and drugs. It truly isn't a stretch to say, "I'm addicted to chocolate."

On the News Hour he went on to say that Americans basically need to go to food rehab, and that was an answer that resonated with me. Having kept off 30 lbs for a year now I think the key for me has been that I was forcibly put in food rehab, partly by the circumstances I was in at the chow hall and part by my own refusal (and thankfully large dislike) of the "bad" food available to me (even the "bad" food that was supposed to taste good tasted bad because of the preparation and transport of the food). Back in the states, my brain has somewhat maintained this re-wiring, but it's not fool proof. Last week at Bible study there was a cake sitting on the table the whole time--and I think I spent more time willing myself not to take a slice a cake than focusing on the discussion.

Looks like an interesting read.

First the Lombardi and now Lord Stanley is back in da Burgh. It's a good year for Pittsburgh, but if the Pirates win the World Series then be warned it's really just a sign of the end of days. For now though, I'm happy to celebrate the win and ponder the virtues of a Malkin jersey vs. a Crosby jersey vs. a Marc Andre jersey.

I might have done something to my right knee. However, I can't have a bum right knee because I've got races to train for and stuff. So I'm icing my knee and then I'm going to stretch. Before bed I'll apply heat. Tomorrow my knee will get a day off. Hopefully by Tuesday morning my knee will be up to a bit more speed work, because as noted earlier I CAN'T HAVE A BUM KNEE.

I used to love renting cars because no matter what type of car I got it was guaranteed to be newer and better quality than the car I owned. We rented in a car in Denver and I spent the entire time wishing I was back in Elvis--how one can live without sport suspension, a sunroof, satellite radio, and cushy leather seats I just don't know. I drove my car today and it was fabulous. I win at life.

On Friday at dinner we discussed how one of the ways you know that your home is really Home is the feeling of relief and well homeness that you get when you come back from a trip. I'm not sure if I've felt that before, probably not in the past year just given the mix of emotions that accompanied returning from the places I'd been, but today I sure feel like I'm home. And it feels good.

On the not so good side it looks like the pastor at my church is leaving, which makes me really really sad. His preaching style was one of the major draws of my church.

And now, perhaps a nap.

I've been in Denver since Thursday evening, mostly for my cousin's wedding but also for a vacation of sorts. I haven't had much time to myself since I arrived (minus the fabulous dinner with

halfsparkle and

redfierma), and so today I took matters in to my own hands and gave myself an introvert's vacation. I started off at my favorite Denver bookstore--the Tattered Cover, walked up and down the 16th street mall, had a sandwich at a coffee shop on the mall, and then headed to Panera bread for more free wi-fi, with free parking! Next trip out I hope I'll be more capable of outdoorsy stuff, like trail running, but for now I'll just settle for a book. Pictures coming once I get back to PA. And now once more into the fray... only one more day to survive.

It took almost 2 weeks but I'm back running... that one off last Thursday doesn't count. Today wasn't pretty, but I ran. And afterward, it felt good. I've got some ideas on how to train for the rest of the summer, we'll see how it goes. But like the book

dakotareese sent me, "Once A Runner," always a runner.

Having been forced to watch the movie Twilight (which was crap, and yet addictive) and then reading the first of book of the series (which was crap, and yet addictive) I've started reading the second book (which is even crappier, and yet still addictive). I think my only saving grace is that I borrowed them from my roommate and a co-worker. Except the first one... damn, there went my only loosely intact pride. It's entirely possible I've become an angsty emo pre-teen.

Like most unimportant memories, I have a hazy recollection in the recesses of my mind of wanting to join the track team back in junior high. I went to one practice, I recall laboring around the track of the high school, and walking home. I have a sneaking suspicion I left before practice was even over. If I managed to even jog a mile around the track, I'd be shocked. Today, around sixteen years later, I ran a half marathon.

The memory of Cardiac Hill is more clear in my mind, perhaps because of the number of times I had to schlep up it--2 or 3 times a day coming and going from class during the six weeks I spent at the Pennsylvania Governor's School of Health Care between my junior and senior year of high school. I'm not sure I ever made it to class without being short of breath. Today, I ran past a slew of people walking up the hill at mile 10.

Most fresh in the hall of my memories is just over a year ago when I started running, at best I'd make it 5 minutes before I had to walk. Today I ran for just over 2 hours and 45 minutes, down and up hills, walking only during the water stations and stopping for a few minutes due to a brief potty emergency. (in the words of one of new running shirts I got to commemorate the occasion--I'm slow, I know, Get over it.)

If anything I have more respect for full marathoners than anything else. I'm considering trying to join their ranks, but I'm just not sure I can handle the nearly six hours it'd take me at my current pace. I guess this summer is going to be all about speed work... ick.

I'm back, again. I don't have much more to say than that. My mental state has been better. Lots of family stress, the race coming up, work, general blah-ness, all mashing together at a rather inopportune time. It's not fun. For now I'm going to do some cooking and maybe go to bed early.

I was bound and determined I would not spend all night on the computer just wasting time. I got home from work and there was a Fed Ex box sitting on my table. I knew it was my new computer so I pretended for like an hour that I was going to go to the gym and then I'd get out the new computer. While changing in to my gym clothes I was overcome by an urge which spoke to me saying "Screw it! NEW COMPUTER!!!!" and so I did.

The computer, Fawkes--after the phoenix in Harry Potter and the rebirth of real computing power in my life--is beautiful to behold: a 13 inch Mac book, 4 gigs of ram and a 320 gig hard drive.

And I think it's good for me to take a night off the workout. I think I've been pushing a bit hard--going 5-6 days a week--and that might be the cause of my burnout.

I seem to have reached a mental block in my running. It started with the long run about a month ago now where I felt dead by the end of the run and hasn't really let up since. I was just better at working through it before perhaps. Saturday I couldn't bring myself to run at all. Sunday I was supposed to go 12 miles, but due to the heat I only went 9 miles --on hills-- at the advice of some runner friends. Today it took me about an hour and a half to get out the door. I ran my 5 miles, on hills, partly after dark. I also realized if the weather is going to keep being like this I'm going to have to start running in the morning. I am not a morning exercise person, never have been, but with the heat of a DC summer even running in the evening is going to be too hot to handle.

Otherwise, I'm trying to spend less time watching TV and online, and more time reading. I have been catching up on the Biggest Loser though. Gotta keep the motivation going somehow, right?

My computer is nearing 5 years old. It died 3 times last night while I was just trying to surf the internet, a phenomena which started a couple of months ago. I just bought a new MacBook. It'll be here next week. Yay! Now to repeat to myself "I can afford this, I can afford this, I can afford this," over and over again until it sinks in that yes, I can afford this--in fact I can buy it and still not have a balance on my credit card without dipping in to the house down payment fund.

You are Justice John Paul Stevens

John Paul Stevens (born April 20, 1920) is the senior Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States. He joined the Supreme Court in 1975 and is the oldest member of the Court. He was appointed to the Court by Republican President Gerald Ford. Although Stevens is widely considered to be on the liberal side of the court, Ford praised Stevens in 2005: "He is serving his nation well, with dignity, intellect and without partisan political concerns." He is also the only current Justice to have served under three Chief Justices (Warren E. Burger, William Rehnquist, and John G. Roberts).

Early in his tenure on the Supreme Court Stevens had a moderate voting record. He voted to reinstate capital punishment in the United States and opposed the racial quota system program at issue in Regents of the University of California v. Bakke. But on the more conservative Rehnquist Court, Stevens tended to side with the more liberal-leaning Justices on issues such as abortion rights, gay rights and federalism. His Segal-Cover score, a measure of the perceived liberalism/conservatism of Court members when they joined the Court, places him squarely in the ideological center of the Court. A 2003 statistical analysis of Supreme Court voting patterns, however, found Stevens the most liberal member of the Court.

Stevens' jurisprudence has usually been characterized as idiosyncratic. Stevens, unlike most justices, usually writes the first drafts of his opinions himself and reviews petitions for certiorari within his chambers instead of having his law clerks participate as part of the cert pool. He is not an originalist (such as fellow Justice Antonin Scalia) nor a pragmatist (such as Judge Richard Posner), nor does he pronounce himself a cautious liberal (such as Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg). He has been considered part of the liberal bloc of the court since the mid-1980s, though he publicly called himself a judicial conservative in 2007.Stevens was once an impassioned critic of affirmative action, voting in 1978 to invalidate the racial quota system program at issue in Regents of the University of California v. Bakke. He also dissented in 1980's Fullilove v. Klutznick, which upheld a minority set-aside program. He shifted his position over the years and voted to uphold the affirmative action program at the University of Michigan Law School challenged in 2003's Grutter v. Bollinger.

If you haven't seen the surprising performance from Britain's Got Talent yet, do yourself a favor and click here.